literature

Absent Flames [ Phil Coulson x Reader ]

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By
canerdia
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Literature Text

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello, Konichiwa, Bonjour, Hola, Ciao, w/e. >w> This is the first fic I've decided to upload in the history of ever. Feedback of any kind will be greatly loved and appreciated! ;w; I am gomen if you encounter any errors along the way. /sob 
I hope you enjoy this little one-shot. I'm a bit nervous about uploading this, but there's a first time for everything, yeah? It's movie-verse just to clear things up a bit. asl;fjda
Enjoy!
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You remember it all too clearly. The glossy, black car pulling up to your house to the exact moment your breath hitched in your throat as you suddenly struggled to remember how to breathe. This was it. You had dreaded this moment everyday Phil would walk out that door not knowing if he would return to you. The entire alien invasion incident was known to pretty much the whole world and once Phil had the time to call you, you were relieved to hear his voice. 

“Be careful, Phillip," you warned, a fearful tone in your voice as you watched the news with wary eyes. "I'm serious. You better come back in one piece or so help me!" Your threat didn't have the effect you had hoped since you heard Phil's throaty laugh on the other end. You tried to sound as serious as you can by using his full name, but he seemed to not grasp how worried you really were.

He promised you that everything was going to be fine and that he'd even be back before dinner. You weren't getting your hopes up of course since he always had the tendency of being late to everything. You knew that being a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent was tough and dangerous, but you always told yourself he'd manage through. You had faith in him. 

You tried to remain as calm as possible as the agent that got out the fancy car was not Phil. You looked out the window, each step that the agent took to your front door feeling like a punch to the gut. He had been walking all too slowly for your liking and before the stranger even had a chance to knock on your door, you swung it open. You braced yourself for what was to come. 

The greeting was quick and so was the reason he gave you for coming there. 

"I'm sorry for your loss, (Name)." Was how he had finished. By this point, your heart had sunk to the ground and your head was throbbing. 'Dead? Your Phil was dead?' Various feelings came rushing at you all at once. Your breath was knocked out of your lungs as you gripped the door frame with all the strength you could muster up. The agent had noticed your out of breath and slight dizziness. He took a cautious step towards you, ready to aid you if you decided now was a good time to pass out.

“I know this is all overwhelming for you,” he tried to sound sympathetic, but his words seemed rehearsed. Almost as if he were practicing the whole way to your house. Or maybe he was the one that usually got sent when something like this happened to other people.

“Maybe you should sit down.” he suggested, the look of pity in his eyes making you feel even worse. 

“I’m fine, I just—” 

You were beginning to choke on your own words. What were you saying? Of course you weren’t fine! You were angry, hurt, and shocked. The last thing you told Phil before hanging up the damn phone was to be careful and not do anything reckless. Just this once, couldn’t he had kept his word? Now here you were with a cold, lonely feeling punched into your chest. You tried to hold back your tears since you weren’t one to cry in front of strangers, but this simple task that you had managed to master in the past was suddenly very difficult. 

“Would you like to talk about the funeral arrangements? Director Fury said he would be able to help in whatever way he can.” 

‘Can he bring Phil back?’ you thought bitterly, tears pricking at the corner of your eyes. 

You answered with a simple ‘no’ and waited for him to leave. He had a questioning look on his face as he opened his mouth to say something else. You interrupted him before he had a chance to say it though. 

“I just need some time,” you murmured, raising a trembling had to cover your face. “To process all of this.” That was the last thing you told him before he nodded and apologized once more, leaving you with a knot in your throat and the oncoming sobs. 

~

It had been two months already since the funeral. Only a few people had attended; friends you both shared, some of his coworkers, and the team that had managed to saved the whole world —except for your Phil—, The Avengers. It had been a fairly long ceremony that went by with soft cries that came mostly from you. You hadn’t bothered with keeping your emotions in this time and instead didn’t care if anyone saw you crying. The man you loved for almost 3 years had fallen and crying was what everyone had expected you to do, so there was really no need for you to act so stoic. The problem with that was that once you started, you couldn’t stop. Even when it came to the eulogy that you were to give. Almost every other word had been interrupted by your stifled cries and hiccups. You weren’t even half way done with your speech before someone decided that you had had enough and sitting down was what you needed at the moment. You didn’t fight it as more hiccups wracked your entire frame.

You hadn’t broken your routine since then. Yes, it hurt each morning you woke up alone or when you’d still make Phil’s favorite meal every Sunday night even though he wouldn’t be there to enjoy it. Having him get held up at work and making him come late to dates was better than not having him come to you at all. Sadly, there wasn’t anything you could do now except go visit his grave then go home to an empty house that didn’t seem inviting anymore. 

Thoughts similar to this always bombarded you each morning as you made yourself a cup of hot cocoa and prepared coffee. You set your cup of cocoa at the kitchen table and proceeded to make a cup of coffee. You stirred in the sugar and cream, making it exactly the way your Phil liked it. Before Phil had passed away, you always made him a hot cup of coffee so it’d be ready for him once he was done changing for work and you weren’t planning on stopping now. 

You set the spoon aside and slowly walked to the edge of the table to set the light brown coffee on the opposite side of where you were sitting. You sat down and began to take careful sips out of your own mug as you eyed the coffee expectantly. You were beginning to grow wonted to all of this, much to your dismay. Every time the coffee will go cold and you were left to throw it away. A depressed smile decorated your face as you set the mug down gingerly. You didn’t want to forget about him completely and go about with a fake smile plastered on your face while you went back to your ‘normal’ life. But it wasn’t normal without having Phil there with you along the way.

“I love you.” You mumbled with a quivering voice. 

You waited for a response that would never come. The soothing sound of Phil’s answer as he gave you a swift kiss and a warm smile. But it wasn’t going to come anymore and just by the mere thought of never hearing Phil’s petty comebacks or sweet little nothings made your heart ache from the loss. Thinking of these things always had you ending in a pathetic mess of mixed emotions and you knew you shouldn’t torture yourself like this, but you couldn’t help it any more than with the coffee and Sunday meals. You just weren’t ready to let Phil go.

Not yet.
-whispers- first attempt at making a fic
i hope it isn't too badly written. ; A; i was aiming towards a more angsty type of feel in this. i am somewhat satisfied with this first attempt. ; w; 

BUT AGAIN. ANY FEEDBACK THAT WILL HELP ME IMPROVE WOULD BE NICE. 

Disclaimer: I do not own The Avengers. If I did, there would have been some kisses goin' around in the movie between Cap and Iron Man solely to satisfy my fangirl needs. Thank. 
Source for lovely picture: hoppins.tumblr.com/
© 2013 - 2024 canerdia
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CorrieShoemaker's avatar
CorrieShoemaker
So good but so sad. Could you write a sequel where he comes back?